I hate this, this feeling like I'm crawling out of my skin. The constant worrying, most of which I can't control. I am so tired of feeling trapped in my own body, like it's my own personal prison.
It's hard for me to speak up, even when someone is walking all over me and treating me like a doormat! It doesn't help that when I do stand up for myself at my own home, with my boyfriend of six years, or at my families house (the two places that I should feel the most safe and comfortable), they, my family, act like it's an outrage and tell me I'm being "irrational and overly sensitive and boyfriend gets an attitude and tells me to "stop freaking out and to calm down". It's as if I'm not allowed to have a voice, like I don't matter as much as everybody else. And it took me so long to even be able to stand up to them!
Now I should mention that this only happens when I tell them how I feel, or have a problem with something one of them has done or said to me that makes me feel like crap and voice how how I feel about it.
But the ironic thing is that when someone outside my family wrongs me, which is so hard for me to do, they all want me to stand up for my self and voice my opinion! And I can't do that! I hate confrontations, I just want people to get along and be nice to one another. Especially strangers, who've got absolutely no reason to be mean to one another. I just can't win!
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